end of november~

wow

is the last day of november

hmm

i think this month i didn't updated my blog

seem a bit too busy with

study

emotional

family

friend

him

what a month

too much thing to do

too much thing to think

too much thing to say

now everyone should be busy revising just like the bee

beez here beez there

seem like too much too learn but

main thing is

we love last min studying

dont know why

keep on feeling been lefted out

this month

the number of outing?

can be count

twice?

with buddy

once is walk walk with no direction

another once is thankgiving day

short outing

others?

shop, house, bookstore and library

just few min will do

no matter what

family is still a headache stuff

specially this month

new member gotta enter soon

that the most shocking news

but yet still have to face it

AHH!

where all my friend gone

they seem have new one forget the old one

didnt find them they complaining here and there

gossiping here and there

find them say we are 'FAN'

dont bother to reply us

hmm

headache again

my standing in their heart

PROVEN

left confirmation letter only

i have decided to give up on him

confession?

totally OUT!

is not way i wanted

but to let go

hard

trying

totally stupid

from beginning just friend till the end also friend

he keep on giving me hint

is totally hurt la idiot

so is the last day of November

what can i say

a lot thing to remember

friendship day, purse without money, etc

from 11th to the end

up and down

left and right

next month of this day i will officially 21

i know same routine

no friend no family celebration

i think alone again

is already been 21years like this

nevermine

i already use to it

end of october~

Well~

is officially the last day of October

and also Halloween night

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

what i gotta do with my decision for next sem

AHH!

i still confuse

haih~

i still messy up with my buddy

AHH!

too many thing to think for the timing

i feel stresssssssssssssssssss~

next sem~

what i gotta do next sem

kuala lumpur?

singapore?

kuching?

no way?

every friend have their plan

but me

no idea

till now i still thinking but no idea pop up

what gotta do next?

full study?

half study half work?

full work?

AHHHH!

brainstorming

who can tell me??

headache!!

EMOING~

all i need~

What happen?

keeping feel so damn down

i wanted talk to him

but why i feel a distance between him

he not longer need me?

might i just a tool for him?

i try to smile in front of him but i cant

we didn't share problem together anymore

all talk is about business

from that day start

the gap is bigger and bigger

he keeping ask is i' unhappy because of he inefficiency

is totally not about that

is about the way he behave

i just need a friend a shoulder to lay on

not a perfect business partner

but seem he doesn't understand at all

LALALALALALA~

Lalalalalalalala

everyone seem forget me again

make me happy and throw me away again

every word come out from his mouth just to gain my trust

i say i wont trust anyone fully

yesterday just prove another hidden object from me

i not expect he tell me everything

but just info me

at least i wont feel been fool

when i get mad

he never did wanted to explain

just make everything seem like my fault

but when i make him mad he wanted me to explain

friend still friend

that what i know

there still boundaries

cant just forget about the boundaries

i thought friend can share everything

no manner is ashamed news, good or bad

wanted me to tell him everything?

please help me tell him

tell me and trust me 1st then i will trust you back

now i try stay distance from you and see how much you care about me

two day is tell me something

today will be the 3th day

i don't have friend so what?

don't use that to make me hurt and try to make you stay

i'm heartless now!

totally heartless!

i been hurt by you so much then other do.

mean i trust you more than other do but you step on my trust

so please don't hurt me again and again!

waht can i do?

Again

been leave alone

what to do? *thinking*

keep on hoping the phone will ring

but never never did

who can i find to talk to?

pressing the keypad wondering it will it ring?

i have friends

should i find them?

but every time i the one who started the conversation

tired~

don't i have any space in their heart?

it's already 2 months i didn't have any outing activities

all the place i go is

house, shop, school

others? NO~

FAMILY?

all is crazy for work

money money money

only care their own

they go out is enough who care what i think

feel my life really meaningless

LET GO?

there nothing for me to let go anymore

friends?

family?

everything i let go

and leave me all alone

already one week suddenly tear drop because of loneliness

keep on moody whole day

anyone talking to me just feel wanna scold them

and shout all my feeling out

yet i control

what am i thinking?

tell friends and get them pity?

who care?

last time i thought there buddy will care

but he only will care will i XX

he say he care

but important part he keep on asking me will i?

will i?

from beginning till the end

asking and tell me the same thing all over again and again

what can i do with my life?

can i just run into middle of the road and end up it?

can i just walk away from this place and have a new start?

WHAT CAN I DO?

HURT~

everything should stop?

from the day we started is already so so wrong

he keep on pushing me away

i can feel it

i trying to let go

but

please don't pull me back and push me back

it's hurt

the scar forever remain there

let me breath

stop making fun of me